Hello again :-). I’m pretty tired today….it’s a lot muggier than usual and I’ve done a fair bit of commuting with my bicycle. It’s about 3km from the city to the centre and I generally do that trip two or three times a day. Its a tough ride because the track is dirt road and i tend to share it with anything and everything. The best part about the schedule here is that the centre closes between 12 and 2pm and so we get a two hour lunch break to do whatever. The girls and I generally just go into the central markets and have lunch — I didn’t think I’d ever mentally recover after the last trip and my experience with gastro but I find myself being extremely hygienically adventurous and eating from places I never thought I would. So far so good. I did have some tummy cramps yesterday but they seemed to have settled today. I’m assuming I’ve built up some sort of resistance after last year’s health bungle in Asia but in saying that, I’m having psychosomatic responses to eating where I actually get slight tummy irritations before I eat! The power of the mind, hey?
Yesterday being Sunday, Jana and I had a really chilled out day, hanging out in a cafe called Eden which is owned and run by an American expat. This haunt is the only place in Cambodia that has a proper espresso machine so you’d probably agree that it’s no surprise I’m there at least once a day. Well the cafe got to enjoy mine and Jana’s company for a good 4 hours yesterday as we sucked back latte after latte and shared stories about our lives. She’s so easy to talk to. Great talker but an even better listener. Jana comes from Melbourne and like me, just quit her job as an executive’s assistant because it was all getting a bit too much for her. She’s 40 and not in a relationship which she’s quite self conscious about. She’s got such a young and adventurous spirit so I’m sure she’s going to meet someone amazing very soon. Talking to Jana about her wants, desires and expectations has reminded me about how important it is to be with someone who challenges you, pushes you, inspires you and shares a similar passion for certain things in life whether it be travel, a creative pursuit or whatever. All Jana has ever wanted was someone who has a passion for life and travel, fishing and exploring and I was reminded about how extremely lucky I am to have found someone like Ally who feeds my spirit and pushes me towards personal growth. Love you babe.
A great day was met with a great night yesterday and was spent having cocktails by the pool and swimming the evening away. Jana, Mel and I were joined by two of the Centre staff, both Cambodian and one very very very camp. He is just soooo adorable. The boys treated us to head, foot and back massages by the pool and we all left feeling lighter in body and mind.
Up until today, I thought I’d get away with not feeling any stress but for the first time I had a chance to re-evaluate the purpose of this trip. Apart from distracting me from the number of issues I left back home, I realized that I had got to a point where I felt like I had completely lost control of my life and that I was missing that sense of belonging. Not knowing where I would be living or working, I knew that my time would be better spent doing soul searching overseas than wallowing in my self misery in Australia. I suppose that when you have dealt with a particular issue for so long and then feel like you haven’t moved forward, it begins to destruct your sense of being. With that, comes the most debilitating feeling that has followed me everywhere….guilt. For the first time in my life though, I feel like I’ve lifted a brick off that pyramid and am slowly on my way to completely dismantling it and it’s destructive capacities.
Today, Ally asked me if I had given some consideration to when I’d be returning home. At that moment I got a severe pang of anxiety because I wasn’t sure what I was returning to. It scared the both of us when I said that if money permitted, I would never come back. I know that sounds dismal but the stronger force in the equation is that traveling makes me feel as light and weightless as a feather.